you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
