its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I fill condoms, not promises.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize