VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
