if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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