ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
