I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
