Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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