peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
