The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
