At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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