the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
