He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
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