It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize