he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
