I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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