i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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