I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
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It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
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Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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