i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
