so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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