So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
