I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
