Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
