some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
