Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
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Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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