I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
