Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
