the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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