she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
So much Jack, so little girl.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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