Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
