My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
two words: eviction party
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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