i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
