He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
