All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
