I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
