walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
