Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Still dying that you shit outside
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
