hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Randomize
