covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Acid is not a monday night drug
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
