Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
