She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
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