Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
