just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
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