just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
