After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
