you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
