dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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