Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Dear god my vagina.
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