Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
foreskin is a definite game changer
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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