So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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