I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
