I faked an abortion last night.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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