big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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