dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
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