She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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