you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm at about main and main street
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
