No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
