i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Randomize
