They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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