Hey man sorry I got all grabby
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
