The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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