You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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