I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I deserve this hangover.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
